if there’s an afterlife
If it’s not lights out, and there is in fact a surprise afterlife, I have a few requests:
- I don’t want to be trapped with my family for eternity and forced to populate a new planet.
- I don’t want to sit on a fancy couch with pretty people serving me drinks, with my pick of virgins to deflower.
- I don’t want most of the people I’ve met to be suffering eternal anguish while I sit smugly on a cloud, sipping moon juice and smiling at Jesus.
- I want to know which conspiracy theories are true and who really runs the world.
- I want to say sorry to all the animals I ate in my youth.
- I want to be my own orchestra.
- I want to be a swallow.
- I want to play with tigers and lions.
- I want to have a ride on a dragon or Pegasus, or both.
- I want to experience what goes through an ant’s mind when it picks up a leaf 50 times its size and carries along a pavement in line, exchanging information with fellow ants passing by.
What about you?