superbug religion’s supremely divine species

superbug

When I create my new superbug religion that spreads through the world like an unstoppable tsunami of obvious correct, I may consider the inclusion of a supremely divine species. It would be passe, unconvincing and rather juvenile to base the crux of this seductive new religion on the human form, so I’ve narrowed down the contenders to my three favourite, divine-like entities.

dogs

The ability of dogs to get us thinking that we’re in charge may well be the ultimate uncanny irony in the true universal pecking order.

  • There are signs of divinity all over dogs – and not just the obvious god dog dog god reversal game for English speakers (although that’s clearly a HUGE clue).
  • Pure unconditional love is impossible for puny mortals like us, but not for dogs.
  • Anyone who’s spent significant time with a dog will tell you that they know everything, but choose to pretend they don’t when it suits them. Just like the Jesus character when he visited our humble planet.

eucalyptus trees

Just because we can’t hear them, doesn’t mean they’re not communicating. Trees are all semi-divine but gum trees simply ooze perfection.

  • Their smell, texture, shape, noise and supernatural aura are all superior to other trees (and other trees are great!)
  • In spite of their clearly superior traits, they remained enigmatically hidden at the bottom of the world for millenia. They’re now taking over the planet.
  • There’s magic juice in their bark!

swallows

Birds in general are amazing, beautiful and clearly worthy of worship. But swallows are the gods of birds.

  • They are playful, adventurous and daring in their insect catching chasing games – swooping, swirling and plunging like no other feathered friend.
  • Their language is ethereal, evocative and uplifting, leagues ahead of the repetitive blackbird, wistful robin or screeching parrot.
  • Their navigation skills are second to none, and their desire to dart about the world avoiding chilly weather is basic common sense. Any creature that can journey thousands of miles to specific, chosen locations twice a year with no vehicle or sat nav is most probably divine.

There we have it. Three strong contenders, I’m sure you’ll agree. But which one would be most likely to make you give up all your money and let me control you?

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