superbug religion’s supremely divine species
When I create my new superbug religion that spreads through the world like an unstoppable tsunami of obvious correct, I may consider the inclusion of a supremely divine species. It would be passe, unconvincing and rather juvenile to base the crux of this seductive new religion on the human form, so I’ve narrowed down the contenders to my three favourite, divine-like entities.
dogs
The ability of dogs to get us thinking that we’re in charge may well be the ultimate uncanny irony in the true universal pecking order.
- There are signs of divinity all over dogs – and not just the obvious god dog dog god reversal game for English speakers (although that’s clearly a HUGE clue).
- Pure unconditional love is impossible for puny mortals like us, but not for dogs.
- Anyone who’s spent significant time with a dog will tell you that they know everything, but choose to pretend they don’t when it suits them. Just like the Jesus character when he visited our humble planet.
eucalyptus trees
Just because we can’t hear them, doesn’t mean they’re not communicating. Trees are all semi-divine but gum trees simply ooze perfection.
- Their smell, texture, shape, noise and supernatural aura are all superior to other trees (and other trees are great!)
- In spite of their clearly superior traits, they remained enigmatically hidden at the bottom of the world for millenia. They’re now taking over the planet.
- There’s magic juice in their bark!
swallows
Birds in general are amazing, beautiful and clearly worthy of worship. But swallows are the gods of birds.
- They are playful, adventurous and daring in their insect catching chasing games – swooping, swirling and plunging like no other feathered friend.
- Their language is ethereal, evocative and uplifting, leagues ahead of the repetitive blackbird, wistful robin or screeching parrot.
- Their navigation skills are second to none, and their desire to dart about the world avoiding chilly weather is basic common sense. Any creature that can journey thousands of miles to specific, chosen locations twice a year with no vehicle or sat nav is most probably divine.
There we have it. Three strong contenders, I’m sure you’ll agree. But which one would be most likely to make you give up all your money and let me control you?
Eucalyptus’ are fine, but as an Australia I feel it my duty to warn you that they have an uncanny habit of exploding. Literally, they blow up. It’s all that magic juice. Cook it in a good bush fire and BOOM! The trees go supernova. Now, that of course is pretty cool, but I’d caution you to not include fire as part of your superbug religions rituals.
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Fantastic! That totally bumps it up the list as far as I’m concerned. People are mesmerised by fire, so it’s a great selling angle. However, I take issue with you calling my potentially divine species ‘fine’ – you need to buck up your adjectives if you don’t want to risk irritated divine retribution!
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I’m Australian, it’s hard getting terribly enthusiastic about gum trees. Do you get excited about all your Scottish stones? (or am i thinking of Wales???)
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Well if they were divine, I would! I don’t know, you Aussies, can’t see what’s right in front of your noses.
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Exploding trees are what’s in front of our noses 🙂
Eucalpyts also talk. As the magic juice heats up the branches expand. It can be quite odd to listen to a forest full of this chattering.
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And you just weren’t listening to what they were telling you … it’s not too late to go back. Would your wife consider it?
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Of course, Brazil drives her nuts, but we have our animals here.
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If Noah could do it, I’m sure you could make yourselves a little boat …
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Ha! Haven’t you heard what Australia does to Boat People?
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Shocking! I forgot about that. You’ve got a passport though so presumably you’ll be alright mate.
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Haha. Brazil nuts.
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PeW! I hope you’re catching up on my posts. I want your take on the most recent one.
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Working on it right now. 🙂
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Dogs, definitely. They actually seem to have a sense of humor!
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Yeah, I think dogs will probably do the best job in getting the popular vote. Everyone knows there’s more to them.
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Still pondering this one – I’m with you on the unconditional love of dogs, although my boxer bless her, is not the sharpest tool in the shed. Dogs do however fit one divine pre-requisite. Dog people vs. cat people is an age old division – ready made for squabbles and difference of opinion – sounds to me like a natural pick.
Eucalyptus smells great, even if as John points out – they tend to explode.
Swallows kick ass, find their way home, and make nests out of their spit.( Don’t be harsh on the Blackbird – red winged blackbirds only nest in bulrushes, they obviously have their ducks in a row)
Perhaps I’m missing the point, yet can’t help but feel your “divine” picks might lack the “teeth” needed to command attention. For arguments sake – how about the Giant Hog-weed? It’s invasive, monstrous, the subject of a song by Genesis , and the sap causes second degree burns and blindness. Handle with care and respect! Or the Sand Tiger Shark – only two are born alive because the strongest embryos devour the other babies while still in the womb, and are born with teeth a gnashing.
I digress – 🙂 A divine dog who has rolled in Eucalyptus, and adopted a baby Swallow 🙂
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Excellent suggestions! I can actually see a magic-smelling dog who adopts cool birds having serious potential. Just need to polish up the story and get the archfairy Bob to lead me to her.
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My dog told me to tell you that consideration of the other two is simply not acceptable.
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I think you’re biased! Or your dog is at least.
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Damn. He read that. If strange dogs in black and white with glasses come to your door.. .DO NOT answer the door.
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