violet’s bible interpretations part 2
As part of this series, we’ll be randomly meandering through Christianity’s divinely inspired holy book, getting a flavour of what the god God and his same god, son god Jesus are meant to be like.
Jesus had been magically healing lots of sick people, so naturally he had a crowd of 5000 amazed people eagerly following him around. He fed them all with more magic tricks, then he hid from them, in case they forced him to be their king. Later on, when his best friends headed out in a boat without him and got scared because it was windy, he walked on the water to join them and calm them down. The enthusiastic big crowd caught up with him and started asking him questions. When he told them they had to eat his flesh and drink his blood to receive eternal life, all of them, except his 12 best buddies, lost interest.
Christians believe that Jesus is their god God. The most amazing, awe-inspiring, shining example of perfection ever to have walked the earth. Most of the people who saw the character Jesus in the flesh, and even saw him doing lots of magic tricks to prove he was indeed a deity, didn’t think he was that great. Would you hang around with a man doing fancy supernatural stunts who told you that your afterlife chances were dependent on swallowing his body parts? Even if he was speaking in allegorical riddles, it’s a bit creepy.