advice for young Christians on marriage


Many young Christians have the idealistic expectation of enjoying sex in one exclusive marriage of a lifetime. They hope that their god will provide the perfect spouse for their mutual sexual enjoyment. I’m concerned for a number of reasons.

1. You don’t get to live with this individual before you commit to sharing your whole life with them. Some people, even best friends, seem perfectly fine until you move in with them. You’re likely to be having kids with someone before you can even assess if you are compatible housemates.

2. You don’t get to find out if your sexual desire and emotional connection will endure beyond the initial two or three year sexual honeymoon period. Once the initial buzz of having sex for the first few years has worn off, you leave yourself open to the realisation that there’s no long-term sexual chemistry. And you’re not allowed to change your mind!

3. You are likely to spend some or most of your sexual peak years in your teens and early 20s trying not to think about having sex with people you are unavoidably sexually attracted to. This twisted denial of natural instincts is a psychological minefield that can only lead to wonky attitudes in your later sex life.

4. As we discovered in the last post, your spouse might use biblical rebuking techniques to convince you that your body belongs to him and you are contractually obliged as his possession to be his unwilling sexual play thing.

I think all things considered there are only two sensible options for young Christians when it comes to marriage. One involves never getting married, and the other involves losing your potentially dangerous religion.