when the world goes to hell and a handbasket

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The slippery slidey morality core that governs ‘correct’ Christian behaviour has had yet another knock to its centrifugal force.

One of the most charming features of the allegedly static Christian morality core is that it is invisible to Christians themselves, and they are therefore completely oblivious to the obvious changes that have occurred down through the centuries.

Let’s look at a few of the highlights by eavesdropping on some conversations between ‘good’ Christian men over the last few hundred years:

  • In 325, Lucian said to Gregory, “We need to kill all the heretics who don’t agree with God’s definition of the Holy Trinity! If we don’t succeed, it will be a sure sign that the world is going to hell and a handbasket!”
  • In 1096, Godfrey remarked to Raymond, “We need to do God’s work and annihilate the infidel in the Holy Land! If we don’t succeed, it will be a sure sign that the world is going to hell and a handbasket!”
  • In 1585, Johann urged Martin, “We need to do God’s work and burn all the witches! If we don’t succeed, it will be a sure sign that the world is going to hell and a handbasket!”
  • In 1861, Stanley spat at Charles, “We need to fight for our God-given right to keep slaves! If we don’t succeed, it will be a sure sign that the world is going to hell and handbasket!”
  • In 1907, Arthur whispered to Fred, “We need follow God’s Word and stop this movement to give women the vote! If we don’t succeed, it will be a sure sign that the world is going to hell and a handbasket!”
  • In 1966, Karl screamed at Gene, “We need to do God’s bidding and stop this movement to legalise inter-racial marriages! If we don’t succeed, it will be a sure sign that the world is going to hell and a handbasket!”
  • In 1969, Randy growled to Troy, “We need to follow the Lord and stop this notion that there is such a thing as marital rape! If we don’t succeed, it will be a sure sign that the world is going to hell and a handbasket!”
  • In 2015, Tom cried to Wally, “We need to do God’s work and fight this movement for marriage equality! If we don’t succeed, it will be a sure sign that the world is going to hell and a handbasket!”

These are the highlights. We all know there are countless more conversations that unfortunately haven’t been recorded for posterity.

The fun thing about all this commotion over gay marriage is that millions of Christians have spewed forth their foul beliefs in all their sparkling glory on a platform that they can never pretend is invisible, and with detail that can never be fudged. Their children and grandchildren who don’t have the luxury of deconverting will be wishing the invisibility-cloak-of-sheer-ignorance could cover the internet age as well.

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