what two questions does every wife ask that most husbands don’t even hear?
The Isaiah 53:5 Project has an answer to this question that I exclaimed makes his post one of the weirdest I’ve ever read. Perhaps the next weirdest bit is that several readers took the time to comment that they thoroughly agreed, that the post is wonderful, powerful and beautiful.
So, without further ado, here are his answers:
1. Do you see me?
2. Do you delight in me?
I don’t know about anyone else, but my partner sees me without me wondering, and I don’t consider if he delights in me because it’s not a question I need to ask. We’re just together and life is.
As well as finding the post weird, it also seriously concerns me that women could be encouraged to think that is natural or desirable for relationships. Relationships are partnerships. A mutual delight in each other is necessary along the way. I’m horrified to think people desire a relationship that is so lacking in confidence and so seeking childish and confused attention.
Here are my two questions:
1. Can you please stop snoring?
2. What’s that weird smell?
I much prefer your two questions! Lol.
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Feel free to leave your personal suggestions, we should have some fun with this. 😉
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And yeah, if you don’t see your spouse you’re in big, big trouble.
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I have images of stay at home housewives putting a pretty dress on for their hard-working husband and swooshing past him like an attention-deprived child while he disinterestedly watches TV. Can you see me? Do you delight in me? No, I’m watching the football.
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*snort*
The fact that he roots it in ‘Look at me, daddy’ adds an extra dimension of creepiness. If someone feels ignored or unappreciated in a relationship, it needs to be brought up and dealt with. If those are the main questions on the minds of wives, then marriage needs a serious overhaul.
I am so beyond done with the women and their feelings and the men and their lack of emotion tropes.
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Yes, yes, the creepiness of the daddy bit, I didn’t even go there.
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It’s the dog, god dammit … and I do not snore!
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Oh aye …
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“1. Do you see me?” – Are you kidding? You’re blocking the TV screen!
“2. Do you delight in me?” – Yeah, yeah, but did we have to stop in the middle for you to ask me that?
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“1. Can you please stop snoring?” – Of course, just for you, I’ll hold my breath til I wake up.
“2. What’s that weird smell?” – You’re the one who added salsa verde to the chili —
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Show of hands – who’s glad they’re not married to me? Wait – I can’t count that far!
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A “godly” woman must submit and obey her husband, so what woman wouldn’t feel insecure in that setting, even invisible. Those women will never admit it though, but it impacts them on a subconscious level, because they were indoctrinated to believe that it was the woman who sinned first, as the “good” book states 1 Timothy 2:14. As Genesis 3:16 states, her desire will be for her husband and he will rule over her. She was made for him, but he was not made for her. 1 Corinthians 11:9
So yeah, those questions don’t surprise me in the least.
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Since the “creation order” goes: Father > Christ > Man/Husband > Woman/Wife, then in as much as Men relate to the Father moreso than Christ, then the whole ‘daddy’ part makes sense. I remember reading some woman saying that: “When God is male, then male is god.”
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I think it also shows how little they must know each other when they get married, it totally reeks of insecurity and lack of real togetherness. Or maybe just immaturity, it’s something both sides usually feel in the pre or very early stages of a relationship, when you can’t be sure how the other person feels about you.
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The concept of women wanting to be seen and delighted in comes from the Elredge husban- wife duo with his book, Wild at Heart, and her book, Captivating.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wild_at_Heart_%28book%29
and
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captivating
The books were very popular because they spoke on what it means to be a REAL man or woman. These books have been so popular in Christian circles that the Christian community has latched onto these ideas especially when it comes to gender roles or the marital relationship.
I knew the whole “daddy do you see me?” thing seems really creepy but this is how REAL (Christian) woman are supposed to think/feel.
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Can you say, “Daddy issues” –?
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Yes, I can! Daddy issues. There I said it. 😉
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Yay, you, Rainbowbrite!
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I’ll take that as a compliment. I loved my Rainbowbrite doll growing up. 😀
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I had a feeling —
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But Care Bears is what inspired my avatar. What can I say, I’m a female child of the ’80s.
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Thanks for those links Quixie, I see now there’s a whole sub-culture based around this nauseating concept. Have you read them?
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Oh and I don’t have two questions that I never ask. I always ask.
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my wife is way more mature and not nearly insecure enough, and by the way much better cared for by me, to ever whimper out these two ‘questions’ in search of self affirmation.
she’s a strong, well educated and very secure woman.
can you see me? what the…
i don’t hear her? you’ve got to be freaking kidding me!! Imbecilic questions from an underdeveloped emotionally insecure mind over there at Isaiah whoever he is…
-mike
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Well, actually Mike, he’s pretty much an underdeveloped, emotionally insecure mind.
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Relationships are partnerships. A mutual delight in each other is necessary along the way.
***
Not Biblical relationships. Various materials have it down to a science: Men are supposed to love their wives (as they submit to them), and women are supposed to respect their husbands (authority over them). The only ‘mutual’ aspect to it is for each of them to fulfill their respective gender role of guys being manly doing masculine things and women being womanly doing feminine things. I have heard of churches that actually separated men from women during prayer time, and often times ladies in church are kept ‘out of sight, out of mind’ as much as humanly possible. But there’s this odd thing about ‘men being visual’ that forces them to ‘not look’ and that results in ladies going unseen in most contexts. The second question is just, well, odd given that Christians are trying not to be too happy, or else the spouse might suddenly become more important than God. If it was like: “Do you delight in the chocolate chip cookies I baked for you?” would make much more sense because ultimately it honors him more than it does her. Perhaps soft complementarians actually appreciate ladies somewhat and that’s the difference because I’d bet dollars to donuts, the hard complementarians would never ask either question.
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It’s the 1950s Disney-Christian approach to marriage and relationships.
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violet, please post these responses from that other guy to me… talk about insecure..
The Isaiah 53:5 Project
July 29, 2015 • 6:57 pm
Thanks for the thoughtful reply Mike, although I disagree.
Much better than:
“Imbecilic questions from an underdeveloped emotionally insecure mind over there at Isaiah whoever he is…”
God bless,
James
mike
July 29, 2015 • 7:35 pm
Your comment is awaiting moderation. (of course it is.. ) 🙂
ah… there you go. I wasn’t talking to you as I wasn’t picking a fight. now you on the other hand, go mining for stuff I’ve written on other people’s blogs… what does that say about your state of mental security?
love your wife the way Christ loves the church and she will never ask these questions of you. make her feel like the most secure and loved woman on the planet. her daddy’s got a big shotgun on the front porch for you if you don’t.
-mike
—
thanks, violet, for helping me reiterate the insecurity of one who thinks his wife should be so insecure.
-mike
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I’ll have to pop over and see if you made it past moderation.
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It did if it’s still there. Thx
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did he just call me an atheist over there?
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Oh I don’t know. I was just engrossed with your odd conversation with Mark on your post. I’ve never seen an exchange like that on a blog.
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how so? I don’t understand
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It was like new pen pals sending little letters.
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LOL!! 🙂
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tell you the truth, I thought it was J with a ‘mask’ trying to post comments baiting me into an argument without actually being seen to be commenting on my blog… 🙂
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Yes, exactly.
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but it’s not. it’s actually a different person. at least by the email address. (conspiratorial voice over) unless he created a new email with a fictitious name JUST so he could screw with me!!! (insert sardonic laughter here) 😉
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Watch it, you’ll be accused of being insecure and … paranoid! 😉
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who, what where? i’ll mine every site they’ve been to for words that they might have said about me. let me at them 🙂
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“We’re just together and life is.”
That’s not the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard, but it certainly ranks on the scale of most sad and depressing. The only thing missing from that sentence is, “and then you die.”
But I guess you can pass the time in between by trying to mock and ridicule those who wish to enjoy the full harvest of delight?
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“But I guess you can pass the time in between by trying to mock and ridicule those who wish to enjoy the full harvest of delusion?”
— I/B —
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I don’t know that I read it like that. “Most sad and depressing” reads the statement as anhedonic. Why assume there is no joy in Violet’s relationship?
I dress to be seen. I like to be appreciated. I get appreciated, though often comments are along the lines that Quakers do not normally dress that way. I don’t think that implies insecurity in me, either, or at least not crushing insecurity: I like a little reassurance, now and then.
Both sides here seem to me to read the other in the most damning way.
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I think you missed the bit where I mentioned ‘mutual delight in each other’. Although let’s be honest, that comes and goes. But it’s not restricted to one sex for the other. One half of a partnership having to ask those questions is sad and depressing. Where’s the ridicule?
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Mmm. Few words delight me more than “Darling! You look gorgeous!” I want to be appreciated, delighted-in. So where is the sad bit? “Most husbands don’t even hear”. That’s a bit sad. But the comments are not: they appreciate that human need to be appreciated.
I dare say I could find a lot of things weirder, even on my own blog.
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But not being able to take those things for granted in a long-term relationship, or even feeling they matter in such a context, is weird. Yes, we need to be appreciated, but if we’re wondering if our partners delight in us or even notice us, it’s a sign something is wrong …
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the smell must be something outside of the window, maybe we check it in the morning
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1. Are you really wearing that?
2. Are you really wearing that, again!?!
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No, still.
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Ha! True 🙂
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I like those! I was hoping more people would have a stab at some more sensible questions.
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That’s about as sensible as it gets in these parts, i’m afraid.
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I meant I was hoping more people would contribute their own suggestions (like you did). Don’t really expect any sense from you. 😉
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I think you should see Insanity’s new post
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About being intolerant?
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Yep
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If you have to ask those questions you already know the answers. No and no. Or possibly hell no.
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Exactly! It paints a picture of a sad life. Although Insanity seems to find it delightful. Odd.
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I think those who object to your piece missed this bit:
“Relationships are partnerships. A mutual delight in each other is necessary along the way.”
If you are not mutually building each other up and mutually delighting in each other to the point that there isn’t any doubt you might have bigger issues and need some counseling, or date night, or something.
If your spouse is telling you and showing you how much they delight in you and building you up and you still need more you might be co-dependent or extremely needy. In which case, have you any idea how much pressure that is on your spouse to have to constantly worry about your ego and sense of worth? It is crushing.
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Great points. I read your comments over on Mike’s post, really insightful. I guess some wives are asking those questions, but I can’t help but feel sorry for them.
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Pingback: If I should die | Clare Flourish
Have you put a six-pack in the fridge?
Can you hang the washing out/get it in?
Clare said ‘Violet and her atheist chums had a good laugh’. And while I think many of us enjoy humour, I see most people appreciating the seriousness of this strange and bizarre need for male approval of women.
And like MMJ, I found the daddy aspect creepy. But isn’t that the whole religious shebang? Going from being daddy’s chattel to husband’s plaything? And confusing the two and blurring the lines along the way.
In one of her later comments IB had this to say:
Well, no. At least, not this foaming-at-the-mouth rabid feminist won’t be. Why? Just why? Why would I want to? Where is the sense of self-worth?
However, a couple of weeks back, Partner said something he’s not said before in our 30 years together. ‘You make me laugh every day.’ Now that was worth hearing. What is a relationship without laughter? I’m not entirely convinced I’ve given him 11,000 laughs but if he thinks so that’s good enough.
I did try ‘do you delight in me?’ on him this morning, but I won’t sully your high-class blog with his response. It didn’t even merit a laugh, so def a non-starter there.
If people are basing their relationships on such asinine questions and ‘understanding’ of each other, then quite frankly, I feel sorry for them.
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It’s quite a complicated issue really. I found the whole thing bizarre to begin with, but also genuinely concerning that anyone could promote that as a ‘normal’ or even nice situation. Couples delighting in the company of each other is obviously desirable and hopefully normal – but one side (dependent on genitals) craving attention and approval that isn’t forthcoming is clearly not a happy or secure relationship. I think there’s too much in there – childhood issues, parental styles and influence, gender stereotypes, individual personalities – lots to pick at. Ruth’s made some great points, and a self-declared insecure Christian female got a bit upset with Mike on the original post.
I completely agree with your response to Insanity’s delusion. I like interaction with people of any sex who interest me, but the idea that I want any random men to look at me to make me feel good is frankly bizarre.
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Rough Seas – interestingly enough, that’s the comment I make about hubby, and the thing that always comes to mind when any discussion of the merits of partners are being bandied about. He makes me laugh every day (well, not these days – I’m away for awhile!) But even when I call home, he’s got something to tell me that he knows will make me grin.
I’m with you on the pity for others who base their relationships on ‘understanding’ – what the hell’s that?? As far as ‘delighting in’, I suspect the more wood I split and pile in the woodhouse, the more delighted he is with me.
We’ve been married for almost 38 years and the line I use is this – I love him, MOST of the time. 🙂 He’d probably say the same about me.
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Great comment Carmen!
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OFF-TOPIC, VW, but I just wanted to say that I would like to support you over on I/B’s blog against the comments of “Tom Paine,” he’s obviously an idiot, and not even a well-informed informed one, but I/B buries all of my comments (except the occasional one that compliments her) in moderation.
Clearly, he’s afraid to come over here, so he stays where he knows he’s safe on I/B’s and Colorstorm’s blogs, where he knows his opponents will be moderated.
Sorry —
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Here ya go violetwisp-
–a moderated comment by Archaeopteryx1:
–And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.—
Or so said a bunch of Jewish priests in Jerusalem around 950 BCE, when they wrote that, while sitting around wondering where everything on earth came from. There have been thousands of such theories over the eons. Meanwhile, on the other side of the round planet that those scientifically-ignorant priests didn’t even know existed:
In the beginning, were only Tepeu and Gucumatz. These two sat together and thought, and whatever they thought, came into being. They thought, Earth, and there it was. They thought, mountains, and there they were. They thought, trees and sky and animals, and each came into being.
Because none of these creatures could praise them, they formed more advanced beings of clay, but the clay beings fell apart when wet. Then they made beings out of wood, but the wooden beings caused trouble on the earth, so they sent a great flood to wipe out these beings so they could start over.
With the help of Mountain Lion, Coyote, Parrot and Crow, they fashioned four new beings. These four beings performed well and are the ancestors of the Maya. –end of comment
Thus you can see that posting this would simply cater to the absurdity………….and answering would be even worse.
Enjoy, and tkx for the opportunity to provide comic relief..
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Was there something about his comment that needs explaining? The absurdity you see in the Mayan creation myth that he’s described is the level of absurdity the rest of us see the the Jewish creation myth. Now which absurd creation myth did you think was fact?
Thanks for posting it here. Perhaps if you weren’t scared of how tenuous and absurd your belief is, you’d feel confident leaving it for your readers and responding to it on your own blog.
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Tkx anyway vwisp, but there is only so much room for profane and vain babblings, and i am fully aware of an engineered design to create endless diversions of uselessness.
No thank you. There is this thing called discernment, and if you had more of a clue, you would agree with me.
Enjoy the convo at your place, and watch the festivities unravel.
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You don’t get it, CS, and you likely never will – there are hundreds, if not thousands, of creation myths out there – yours is only one.
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What am I missing? Seriously. How can we give credence to one traditional creation story over any other?
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Its easy Violet. There is only one which answers deep unto deep.
Your conscience knows the word of God is head and shoulders above all others.
God has no competitors………but you ask a fair question, and there is an answer for you personally if you are interested.
And it is not far from you, for you live, move, and have your being in the living God which the written word confirms.
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“There is only one which answers deep unto deep.” – And a wet bird never flies at night! One statement makes about as much sense as the other. You seem to think that such cryptic nonsense makes you sound profound, but it only demonstrates what a fool you are.
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As for comic relief, we always get a laugh when you’re around, CS – as for the comment, I was presenting yet another creation story, this from the Maya, and I must admit, it’s not quite as absurd as the one in the Bible. BTW – did you allow that to be published on your site? I don’t recall seeing it.
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“Thus you can see that posting this would simply cater to the absurdity………….and answering would be even worse.” – Yeah, nothing absurd about talking snakes, is there?
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That’s okay, Arch. I know what it’s like to want to jump in and be denied. But I’m having an interesting conversation with him so maybe I can keep his focus. It’s weird, I always think the conversation is going somewhere with Christians, because surely somewhere there are some who want to use both logic and compassion in their interpretation. But they always get snappy in the end and resort to some ‘god knows best’ line. Apart from Clare.
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Neuro – have you seen this?
“Are Nonbelievers More Imaginative? A New Study Suggests They Might Be“
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But Arch how imaginative is the Bible really? It is not original it is a reworking of older myths from Babylon, Egypt and Rome. Among other places. The real source of imagination in the ancient world was from the Greek thinkers in the half millennium from 500 BC. They came up with a whole new way of thinking.
Despite what apologists claim there is basically nothing new in the Bible. It reflects the mainstream thinking of the time and period. The unique aspect of the Bible was that it reflected the theology of a conquered people. Thus it spent most of its time making excuses for why its all powerful God never did anything. This occurred in to ways, firstly creating ancients stories of when God did something, but always far enough back that no one could check the claim, secondly shifting the blame, that is God would act, but because of your sin he has delayed doing so.
This whole though pattern applies today. We are always told how good and great God is. But when asked to do something excuses always apply, such as don’t put God to the test, wonder if they ever read the story of Elijah on Mt Carmel?
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On the other hand, it’s hard to conceive of anything more imaginative than the crap that fills the Bible.
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Good issue this week for those who don’t subscribe: http://thehumanist.com/
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My wife is known to ask
1) Do you ever think of anything besides your son, your stomach, surfing and sex?
Well that is only one. She never wonders if I find her desirable or if i see her because she knows I see her and I always want to touch her. Hold her hand, hug her and yeah more too but in public I keep it clean and respectable.
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I think you’ve asked questions you already know the answers to:
1) Prolly not
2) If you have to ask…
🙂
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