7 Steps to Dealing with a Sexist Partner
one of the greatest struggles for many women is the struggle against the sin of laziness
Biblical Gender Roles is a blogger on a mission for attention. He wants to be seen, he craves hits. He publishes as many ridiculously inflammatory posts as he can, to the extent that it’s unclear if the whole blog is a satirical hit on Christian sexism.
His latest offering, 7 Steps to Dealing with a Lazy Wife, is no different. Read it if you want to stroke his ego, or instead, have a squiz at my 7 Steps to Dealing with a Sexist Partner. Because one of the greatest struggles for many men, is escaping the sexist programming in our discriminatory society.
1. Insist from the start of a relationship that everything is split equally, don’t fall for nonsense notions of men choosing, paying or opening doors.
2. Once co-habiting, ensure household chores are evenly split, so outdated roles aren’t assumed without thought, and the joy of maintaining a well-kept, shared space is appreciated fully by all.
3. Always stay in some form of employment if possible, or at least keep skills up to date, so that a finance card can never be used against you.
4. Let sex fall within a natural rhythm when both of you want it. Never feel the need to go at it for the sake fulfilling an unwritten quota, and risk it becoming something you don’t look forward to.
5. If your partner ever mentions disciplining you, as if you are a child and he is a terrible parent from previous centuries, run a mile.
6. If your partner ever suggests that the egalitarian teachings of the character Jesus can be used to force you to submit to him, tell him you’re joining the Quakers and kick him out.
7. If your partner suggests you are lazy, get pens and paper out and each write down all the shortcomings you see in each other and discuss if either of you are willing or able to change. If you can’t come to agreement and feel the shortcomings are a deal breaker, go your separate ways.
I hope that helps any women out there dealing with sexist men, and will happily receive further suggestions.
I like your list, violet wisp.
I’ve checked out the toxicity on asshat’s blog before so I’ll give that one a pass. I see he’s still allowed on Facebook, even though many people have objected and complained. .. it’s still not clear whether he’s serious (in which case, he’s got many fawning ass-kissers) or a parody. Either way, he must be revelling in the attention he’s getting. Whoever he is, he’s clearly got time on his hands and an agenda. Every blog entry of his is vomit-worthy, in my opinion.
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Agreed. I’ve avoided even going there for a while, but bits of this post were laugh out loud. If there wasn’t a chance that someone somewhere is ruining a woman’s life by following his advice, it would be a great blog for parody fun.
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So, where do we stand on the whole sandwich thing? And is that chewing gum in the sink? You should be ashamed of yourself.
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Tell me about your relationship John. Who does what around the house.
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It’s Brazil, we have a troupe of trained, tuxedo wearing toucans to service our every need. As I suspect you have a troupe of trained, tuxedo wearing armadillos to service your every need down there.
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I thought he was more BDSM than Christian. His female commenters sound that way.
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Maybe it was another blog I was thinking of. He is far too boring to be satire.
I found something vile there, which I hope the comment thread will hide unless highlighted: readers are warned.
Sometimes, you find ridiculous people; but this guy is just nasty. He does not seem to understand human relationships.
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Well, that did not work, and my sub command- html, not bdsm- did not work either, em and bold works. On my comments, you can use any html you like.
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Ah OK, I wasn’t aware, I’ll try and fix that when I’m back at a computer later in the week.
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Yes, he’s the idiot who wrote the Worst Post Ever.
He’s received a lot of attention for encouraging Christian rape, hence the click warning in the post. I think he does it for the attention, but whether it’s satire or not is difficult to tell.
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Clare, glad you’re here. Read an article this morning that I think you should see. I’ve had many a run-in with the author, David, and he’s banned me from commenting, but I think you should open a dialogue with him. I won’t link the article directly, but it’s the latest post (
Why āLGBTQā is a Dangerous Slur ā Considering the APA Report) on appliedfaith DOT org
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What a silly post. Why the subterfuge with the link? I might do a post on the APA if I remember though, what a funny organisation masquerading as official. I wonder how many similar things are out there.
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Not funny. Funded. Some very rich people want to spread sciency-sounding lies about all sorts of things, and this pre-debunked “report” will get quoted in state senates across the US, and in school boards.
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He’s the King of Silly, but did write a great post once that says Christians can carry guns because the OT still applies.
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I see Violet’s comment was deleted. Mine awaits moderation. As I said Jesus would abhor this position. Remember the man carrying a water jug? That was women’s work, shameful for a man. She was a trans woman! The last supper was at the house of a trans woman. I doubt it will get through.
He claims our suicide statistics arise from acceptance rather than prejudice. He is impervious to truth. On some interpretations that is “the sin against the Holy Spirit”. He amasses arguments and verbiage like a global warming denier- rather than sticking his fingers in his ears and saying Na Na Na he can repeat the whole lying report! A diagram of the limbic system, forsooth.
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Hey claire-
Must you always project your frame of mind and ‘wishes’ upon scripture regarding ‘trans’ stuff?
Man carrying a pitcher of water; last supper in the home of a ‘trans?’ Please.
Yeah yeah I know, I am ‘unenlightened’ or ‘behind the times.’ Once more, Please.
And no, there is nothing to defend, as if daylight needs to apologize for sending the darkness packing, or that an owl needs to justify why he doesn’t eat Oreos.
Sorry Violet, just could not let this blatant absurdity stand. Some things hardly need comment, other than to point out how far a person travels to try to prove the sun sets in the east. Scripture needs no defense, and is certainly capable of maintaining its consistency regarding the sin of man.
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ColorStorm again, twisting and explaining away scripture when he does not like its plain meaning.
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In our case we’re both men, so neither one of us can blame sexism š …and still the arguments happen. We don’t do a 50/50 household chore split, instead we play to our strengths. I’m not allowed to use machines having once broken the dishwasher door handle three times in one week; I do however cook every day from scratch.
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Playing to strengths makes sense, and I think most relationships find a split that works for them as individuals. But starting from a premise that one person does everything for the other at home is asking for trouble.
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Seven steps to dealing with a relationship as adults:
1. Observe your capabilities from the start of the relationship and give freely and happily. Do not expect returns on investment other than when you invest love and do not keep score. You know, as though you love them.
2. Once co-habiting, ensure all household chores are DONE, whoever the hell does them. Who cares if you slip into traditional or nontraditional gender roles, the dishes need washing.
3. Stay busy earning or saving, but try and get one of you to work part time or from home, just so someone’s there for money saving tasks, animals, children and general conveniences. Plus, being at home all day is a luxury that the recipient will not leave unappreciated.
4. Talk about sex openly and honestly. Have sex when you both want to. Agree to masturbate or compensate sexually for each other when you’re not quite in the mood for proper intercourse. Hangups and frustration suck.
5. If your partner ever mentions disciplining you, first see if you are being unbearable in your demands or denials. There are very few people who will even threaten discipline without feeling sorely hurt. If they are not hurt, you’re dating a nonempath.
6. Work constantly to move towards a better future as a couple, rather than worry about who is or is not in charge. Disagreements are fine. Final decisions can be made by anyone. But when the argument is one vs the other, it will end in disaster.
7. If your partner finds shortcomings in you, talk about them and see if you can see the same issues and whether they bother you. If they do, change them. If they do not, offer your partner an out. Bringing up lists of negatives about each other, mulling them over and going on about them all the time is a great way to stop loving someone. Slight idealizing results in longer, happier relationships. Besides, what sort of a person are you if you can only bring up problems as a response to someone else’s complaints? Why not deal with every problem as they arrive?
Too much paranoia and concern about what you can get out of your partner and too little about what you can both get out of the relationship methinks, Violet. It’s about creating a connection that lasts, not keeping score of everything so as to adhere to some external standard, exploiting another human to your own ends or worrying whether they get more than you do. A relationship is about you two, not just “me” and definitely not “everyone else”. š
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As I said on your post Superslaviswife, although I don’t disagree with you in principle, I think your list is lacking realism. You seem to have an idealistic view towards relationships. I’d hate to make assumptions (I’m usually wrong) but you look kind of young. Relationships aren’t fixed states, they go through so many changes – your feelings, your attitudes, your personalities all grow and change in time. While you may not feel being trapped in traditional roles has any importance at this stage, in terms of getting things done, you many think differently when you are in your 40s, your 50s, your 60s, and looking back on how your separate lives and your life together (if you still are) develop.
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The idea of “separate lives” is also harmful to relationships. Your life when you cohabit or marry is one life. Everything you do, from taking out the bins to spending a weekend with friends, now affects them directly. That doesn’t mean you can’t do anything, it just means nothing you do is “your separate life” any more. Thinking of it as such leads to selfishness.
Besides that, this relationship has been rolling this exact way for over five years. I can count on one hand the number of heated exchanges we have had this entire time and over half of them were driven by external factors (we really don’t like each other’s family]. We live together, everything gets done, we go out of our way to help each other, each contributes the skills we actually possess, nobody keeps score and we have never had to worry about being “trapped” as we understand all of life is voluntary. This idea that acting the wrong way or doing the wrong thing “traps” you is the most poisonous part of all relationship advice today. Marriage isn’t a trap, gender roles aren’t a trap, ideologies aren’t a trap, children aren’t a trap. Being bonded to other humans is just the way the human do.
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I’ve got a translation for any “man” saying that “My Wife Is Lazy” that I’d like to offer, and a woman’s suggested response:
Man: “I’m trying to deflect and transfer all of my shortcomings because I know I’m ugly naked and inadequate as a provider – be it financially or in the sack – so let me come up with some Biblical rule or press some antiquated horseshit societal norm to psychologically beat you into still sleeping with me, or at least never leaving – because only then would I realize that I have truly no value in this world.”
Woman: “Go f#!k yourself.”
Of course, your approach with the 7 Steps is far nicer and far more constructive. I particularly like #7. š
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Indeed, it all comes down to insecurity.
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Lots o’ that going around!
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I’m kind of surprised BGR didn’t add the Rule of Thumb to his list of tactics on disciplining wives. It was all the rage for centuries.
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Maybe there are some tactics he’s not willing to go public with. Yet. See how desperate he gets for ratings.
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