hay monsters and gods

My dear friend Wally, over at Truth in Palmyra, has an excellent post ridiculing evolution. It’s called Evolution of the Hay Monster and I encourage you to read it.

I was so inspired by Wally’s post that I thought I’d attempt something of a poor mirror post (unfortunately without the fancy graphics) about the Christian god God. So, here we go!

For billions of years there was NOTHING. Then BOOM! The Christian god God appeared!!

(Ooops, forgot that the god God is the exception to that really important rule that everything comes from something. He came from nothing, even though it’s clearly laughable to suggest that anything else could come from nothing.)

Start again. For billions of years eternity, the god God was doing NOTHING. Then BOOM! 6000 years ago he got bored and started p-chinging the universe into existence with something that isn’t magic. As he was p-chinging all the various bits of planet Earth, he decided to have a laugh and give the place a history of billions of years. He had loads of fun planting dinosaur bones and fossils all over the place! Voila! A great game that only really intelligent believers would understand.

He made human beings to populate the Earth and loved them all very much!

(Ooops, forgot that for the first 2000 years he was only interested in a tiny little group of them who were happy to viciously kill other humans and slaughter animals on his command. Oh … actually, he didn’t even really like the chosen people much and decided to drown them all with the rest of the world. Except for one family and all the animals in the world.)

Is everyone still with me? Because the story’s not done.

The god God just couldn’t get his human creation to behave in a manner that pleased him, so he decided that someone had to die, given that a blood sacrifice is required to forgive bad behaviour. Why? Just because. It makes sense when you’ve been around for eternity and know everything.

So, part of the god God, in the form of a human son, was born to a girl who had never had sex, lived a blameless life being good and then allowed himself to be killed for no actual reason. The son then came back to life (not a zombie, nothing to do with zombies) and went up to heaven on a cloud (not a horse, that was Mohammed, another religious figure with obviously invented stories).

Since that day, the god God decided that he was interested in the whole of humanity (not just the tiny section he’d previously exclusively loved) and has spread his loving message through tens of thousands of widely varying interpretations of his wishes. Most of his loving followers believe that women should never be in leadership roles, that homosexual feelings are evil, and that most of the human population of the world should suffer in an eternal afterlife.

Really! This is exactly how life happened! And if you don’t believe it, you are clearly being influenced by an invisible evil spirit or you’re just plain evil yourself (although your creator, the god God, is in no way responsible for this).