why men know more about childbirth than women

whether or not babies are horrible monsters that for some strange reason decide to take over a woman’s body only to come bursting out like the monsters in the Alien movies […] It makes no sense to me why someone would choose to see normal animal existence as “essentially a horror story”. I suppose I should feel repulsed by or sorry for these people but I basically just draw a blank. (dpmonahan)

Dpmonahan draws a blank when it comes to understanding people like me. It must be difficult for men like him, trying patiently to explain to women like me what pregnancy and childbirth are like, to receive little praise for his greater level of knowledge and understanding.

What squirrel-killer dpmonahan doesn’t understand about normal animal existence, is that humans have evolved (somewhat) beyond the basics. We have taken our over-powering sexual desires that have made us a breeding success, and applied what birth control measures we have discovered to ensure that our offspring have better chances of living higher quality lives. Read the WHO factsheet for more information on the benefits of family planning.

Human babies develop as dependent parasites within their host mothers. Their growth squashes internal organs, stretches and breaks core muscles, saps nutrients from the host mother’s body (including calcium from our bones), until such a time as they are ready to be independent, yet too big to exit easily from the host body. At this point, pain beyond your wildest imagination is inflicted on the host mother’s body, until either the baby squeezes out, is cut out, or one or both die. This isn’t an exaggerated horror depiction – this is fact. If dpmonahan can point to any inaccuracy in the description, I’ll be delighted to hear him out.

As part of this horror story for many women, are chemicals of sheer delight, which obviously help in allowing us to perpetuate this cycle of existence. But the existence of these chemicals for most women, and the excitement at the thought of having a little mini-human to care for at the end of it all, isn’t a universal experience.

But for dpmonahan, because it’s a natural part of life and because billions of women have done it either by accident or on purpose, childbirth and pregnancy are clearly a happy walk in the park! They’re not. Have a look at the some of the stories in the Birth Trauma Association, if you dare. Even ask someone who has had a trouble-free pregnancy and relatively easy birth – it’s bloody, sheer agony that destroys your body (I cannot express this strongly enough, yet men never seem to comprehend it, because it just … happens), and it’s only a ‘happy story’ because thankfully most people now live through it and most people you speak to about it wanted and adore their children.

So why does dpmonahan understand more about childbirth than women? Because he’s a man of course. And men know more about everything, simply because they often imagine they do, and no-one bothers to correct them. Consider yourself corrected.