survey: just how randy are heterosexual men?

men (2)

Recently, there has been a disturbing flurry of Christian posts focusing on the difficulties faced by men who are unable to control themselves when women wear certain cuts of clothing. I find it difficult to express how much my mind boggles reading these posts, but must confess that I realise there is a serious problem here that needs to be resolved.

The opinion currently falls into two main camps.

  1. Women should be considerate to randy men and wear as many large, loose and shapeless clothes as possible so that hot-blooded males don’t have cause to sexually fantatise about touching their bodies or even grab hold of unconsenting ladies.
  2. Men should grow up and stop obsessing about women’s clothes and bodies.

There are problems with both these approaches. Some women enjoy wearing a wide variety of fashion fabrics of varying lengths and tightness, and may not comply with the modest dress requirements of the randy men. Moreover, some heterosexual men are just totally unable to control their randy thoughts and actions when provided a glimpse of temping female flesh or curves.

Therefore, I believe it’s necessary to table two obvious strategies that, as far as I know, have yet to be given their due consideration.

  1. All heterosexual men should be chemically castrated until they are called upon to breed. This way, their minds and bodies won’t be forced to undergo such painful temptation. Because as any hot-blooded Afghan will tell you, even when covered head to toe in a huge black tent, some women have a certain way of swaying their luscious hips or suggestively moving their sensual fingertips, that can lead even the most upright heterosexual man to experience disgustingly sinful and lust-riddled thoughts. Therefore, let’s cut to chase and cut the evil chemicals.
  2. All heterosexual men should be conditioned from birth to experience pain when they have horny thoughts. This can be done by showing them pictures of women in bikinis and giving them electric shocks if they seem to be enjoying it.

I’m pleased I can usefully contribute to this debate, and I’m more than sure the god God will be delighted with my suggestions and find a way to insert this into his holy book, the Bible, in order to help his faithful male flock keep their filthy minds on purer pursuits. … And here we have it! Blink, and the god God inserts this in his Bible:

And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Chemical or physical castration is it! Enjoy, my Christian brothers!!