low self-esteem issues
Although many of my posts intend to highlight the ludicrous and harmful nature of religious beliefs through the medium of mockery, on this occasion I’m just feeling slightly perplexed and puzzled by the lives that many Christians must have led.
While lurking through the ‘sin’ tag on WordPress, I came across a post from a woman whose husband had left her for another women, and she was pondering her sin as a divorcee. Weird? But weirder still was the comment from a fellow believer helping her by saying that no-one is worthy of the god God’s love. It did help her. She was happy and she agreed.
So I did a quick Google search to see how many Christians have these thoughts, and really felt I must share the first few of the 4 million search returns I got.
None of us can ever be “worthy” of the LORD’s saving help
Many people feel unworthy of God’s love. The truth is that none of us areworthy of God’s forgiveness
None of Us are Worthy, all Sin, all Fall Short
None of us will ever be worthy
He knows that none of us are worthy to enter His Kingdom
when in fact if we look at all of our lives none of usare worthy
you are not worthy of God’s love and grace
God showed me that none of us are worthy
And of course, none of us is worthy!
None of us are worthy and God already knows that.
None of us are worthy of going to heaven
I’m not worthy. None of us are.
None of us will ever be worthy or “good enough” to merit this gift.
None of us is worthy to receive God’s blessings
NONE OF US are worthy of God’s love.
So, just to put this in perspective: these millions of Christians believe an all-powerful, benevolent being created every single human being to be deliciously free to be just totally rubbish, evil, useless and completely unworthy creatures.
I’m just left wondering what kind of horrible childhoods these people had, or what kind of life could leave anyone with such low self-esteem that they could suck up and agree with such horrendous sentiments.
If I found out that an all-powerful being created me and wasn’t happy with the results, I would expect said being to take full responsibility for such sloppy workmanship. As it happens, I think I’m pretty cool and if heavenly afterlives exist, I fully expect I’ll have the best spot on the sofa, with virgins serving me booze in a pretty garden – because isn’t that everyone’s eternity dream? Religion – you gotta love the sick male minds that come up with it!
I’ve been pondering a post on exactly this topic, except I was going another way with it. Self-confident Christians perplex me. When I was a Christian I believed the same things these people believed – that I wasn’t worthy, that my best was as filthy rags, and that I fell woefully short. That is what the Bible says. I did not have a particularly horrible childhood, either, though for some reason I did have low self esteem. It wasn’t as if my parents abused me or left me feeling neglected.
That is the the trick, though, to getting people into Christianity. Taking all things they’d ever done “wrong” and using that against them. You must feel you have done something to have caused Jesus to suffer and die. That is also where the teaching of original sin comes into play. Fundamentalist teachings are that we come into this world sinners. No one is born good. We are born with the nature to sin.
I can so easily relate to the woman whose husband left her viewing her divorce as sin. Ironically, that was the catalyst for my own deconversion. I went through some pretty scary, rough stuff emotionally to come out the other side stronger and better and knowing that any such teaching is complete and utter bullshit.
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“You must feel you have done something to have caused Jesus to suffer and die.” It’s just shocking when you view it from the outside! And then eat parts of his dead body masquerading as food so you really feel bad.
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Well, I wasn’t Catholic so we didn’t think that the cracker and juice magically transformed into actual flesh and blood. It was completely symbolic. Too bad that didn’t throw up a red flag to me about the rest of that nonsense. Everything else was literal.
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You could take it the other way. How ever much you screw up, everything is still OK.
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It’s the stick and the carrot in one handy package!
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They are so unworthy they have to die to themselves. Been there, done that. One doesn’t have to be raised in an abusive family and/or have low self-esteem to get wired (often from infancy) by its culture. America is a shame culture.
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I wonder if it’s a cultural thing or a human thing. Part of the paranoia/fear/insecurity trait that keeps us on our toes and out the lion’s mouth. For all I mock, I remember feeling that way too, it just seems ludicrous, and sad when you read someone brooding over their own ‘sin’ when their partner leaves them for someone else.
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Oh, I couldn’t agree more. It is totally ludicrous and sad. I think women take the brunt of shame because, after all, we are the “seed of Eve” (evil).
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Was just looking at some charming quotes from the Bible I wasn’t aware of in your video. It just gets better with reading!
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Thanks for taking the time to watch. The centuries of apathy still boggles my mind. I was excited to find your blog. You came highly recommended. I can see why.
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It sounds like the divorced woman you talk about is in a psychological state that’s common among victims of abuse. It’s easier to blame oneself because this puts one in control of the situation. Emotionally, control is harder to give up than blaming the abuser. The worse part about this, as you have pointed out, is that she has embraced this version of Christianity that takes a very low view of humanity. This version of Christianity commits a horrendous oversimplification, “humans = sin”, which can leave victims with moral paralysis unable to justify even their own comfort. This theology also tends to invert to the so called “prosperity gospel” and says that God blesses morally good people (i.e., financially, emotionally). IMHO these are both are misrepresentations of Christianity and have only done harm.
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One’s self.
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Change accepted. 😀 Why didn’t the word processor pick that up?
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You, sir, are a wayward grammar snob! I shall be posting a sharp retort to all your kind in due course. (If I get round to it.)
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Or do you mean orthography? 🙂
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Well, I was going to suggest you take a wee course in etymology … or if you’re low class and common like me just read that Bill Bryson book, Mother Tongue.
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But reading the Bible it’s easy to see why it’s a common interpretation. Anything else might be seen to be wishful thinking on the part of anyone who thinks the Bible means anything – wouldn’t you agree?
As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
Ephesians 2:1-5
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I do agree. It’s definitely a possible interpretation of the text and even a common interpretation as you point out. The deeper question is whether or not it is the favored interpretation. This depends on what perspective and criteria you bring to the text. A good question to start with IMHO is what did Paul (the pseudonymous author) intend to convey? Is that meaning the same as John Calvin’s interpretation? The same could be said about the creation myth. Did the ancient writers intend to convey what Ken Ham reads out of it?
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I find it difficult to discuss ‘interpretation’ of the Bible. The words are very clear. If you believe the whole text is a special message from a deity, then that’s what you’ve got. If you’re seeing contradictions, stop looking for ways to interpret it to your fancy, and consider the very obvious fact that it was written by a selection of non-divinely inspired men.
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I really do sympathize with you. This is part of the list of things that drove me to atheism for 4-5 years before “reconverting”. At this point I think it’s more complex than divine message versus manmade fiction, and I mean that with all due respect. I agree that if you analyze it with the standards of modern historiography and literature, you will find things that don’t seem to add up. But, if you could get more depth, going as close to the original context as allowed, you might find yourself in a whole new world. Otherwise it would be like using General Relativity to answer questions about quarks or using QM to answer questions about planetary motion.
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Fascinating! I’ve never met a reconvert before. You must be a rare breed. I appreciate your point, I’m aware there are lots of ways to create a satisfactory cultural context for utterances like:
“Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.”
and
“Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord.”
However, it just so happens that looking for a way to make horrible things sound nice, doesn’t in any way make it probable that any invisible deities exist, never mind the sexist, homophobic, murderous depiction of a benevolent god that Christianity attempts to justify. No amount of original context is going to paint that nice, or believable.
Looking forward to reading more your blog anyway, because you’ve confused me. 🙂
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I might be a rare breed! There really does appear to be homophobia, misogyny, and genocide that is hard to square with the notion that God is love. I haven’t found many apologists (maybe only one) willing to engage with this on a deep and serious level. I’m certainly no apologist, but I hope to offer a new perspective on the issues. And, I don’t justify the so-called terrible texts by saying they are inauthentic. That’s kind of cheap and doesn’t work well seeing that Jesus quoted much of the Old Testament. If you follow me, you might find that I really do take the atheist criticism seriously and hope to meaningfully engage it.
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Maybe my church/schools were just doing it all wrong, but i never heard any of this lunacy growing up. Religion was passive and non-intrusive, and it was treated like a sort of pantomime which was to be tolerated until you were old enough to say, “this is all utter bollocks,” without an adult saying “well, you’re still going to church!”
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I’m with you. My parents told me to just ‘play along’ because everyone else did it and it would be rude to spoil it for everyone else.
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That’s it! That’s precisely it!
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If’s late, shouldn’t you be in bed?
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Daylight saving ended last night… Enjoying a wine, but am turning off the computer right now.
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It’s 2 am here. I’m drunk- but obviously I’m always drunk at 2 am, so it’s not an event.
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I think it does often get to the stage where people are going through the motions for the sake of tradition, and it gets increasingly watered down through the generations. Particularly in Catholicism – people can read their way out of Protestantism and there’s no ritual to bind you once the faith is gone.
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Amazing. I never learned enough about religion to have come across such a ridiculous concept. The extent of my knowledge was bible studies ie reading O&NTs at school, but that was never translated into a code of behaviour for people. About the only thing anywhere near that was Jesus loves everyone. As it struck me as one great big fairy story, although an imaginative one, I distanced myself from it all. You could actually get excused from morning assembly if your parents wrote a letter but mine didn’t want to rock the boat so I just skived anyway.
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It does reveal itself as a form of abusive brain-washing when you read loads of them spouting the same unworthy lines. And sadly, they think it’s great news because the invisible man-god loves them anyway. If the god God was revealed to be a woman, only kinky soda-masochistics would be up for it. She thinks you’ve been terribly bad but she loves you anyway.
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My involvement with an abusive spouse and my journey out of denial are what made me wake up and see what kind of relationship I had with this….um….imaginary being.
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Ruth, your comment really compliments findings in brain scan research demonstrating how we can literally be blinded by love and attachment to others. Neural networks used for critical social assessment and negative emotion deactivate while it bonds through the involvement of the reward circuitry
But what I find interesting about what you said is that I’ve read studies showing that if the brain is shocked by an experience, like abuse or an affair by a lover/partner, it can snap a person out of their love stupor, if you will. It’s quite possible that happened in your situation and you were able to ‘see the light’ about your belief, so to speak. For me, I was shocked at what I discovered while extensively studying the Bible.
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Let me say this, if I had not loved and been devoted to Bible-God, I don’t think I would have subjected myself to spousal abuse.
At first I made excuses, ‘Oh it’s not that bad’, I would say to myself. Only it got worse and worse, and in my devotion to Bible-God, I obeyed the command to subject myself to that. I would get up every morning and re-devote myself to an ideal – not my reality. Sick and twisted, no? Utterly ridiculous, no? And yet, I did it.
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Ruth, I can so relate. But in understanding the neurological mechanisms at work, it can help us to not be so hard on ourselves regarding our once devotion and subjugation to a spouse, a god and an ideal.
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I’d also like to share a quote from a post I read yesterday a a psychologist and ex-evangelical regarding the pressure on woman to submit as demonstrating their love and devotion to god. Here’s an excerpt:
Thank you. I am a subscriber to No Longer Quivering That is a very accurate description of exactly what happens.
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Agreed. Sometimes something just strikes a nerve and causes my blood to boil. It is a good reminder of where I came from.
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Yes, I can get that way myself, especially because so much of it is still going on, globally, in the name of ‘love’. It is the worst kind of betrayal. It took me a long time to get over it and my empathy radar is on high alert.
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Are you ever really “over it”? It does heal, but the scars remain. It’s probably good that they do as reminders of the kind of betrayal that happened to us so that we can recognize that it is still happening, yet, to others. So that we can stand up for those still being betrayed. The patched up vessel is not afraid of the brokenness because it knows it can be repaired.
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I just got around to reading the article you linked to in your comment. Very interesting stuff. I’ve not done much research into the neurological components of religious belief, but that does fit nicely with the research I’ve done into addiction/NPD/Psychopathy.
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Religion and especially Christianity creates a problem- that one is worthless and born in sin- then creates a solution- believe in me and you shall be saved.
I think if the guys who invented this religion worked in insurance, they would be very wealthy especially since you can’t make claims. All the benefits are in a future existence
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It’s interesting that there’s something in our make-up that ensures we fall for it. I’m wondering if low self-esteem and self-doubt are prerequisites for social, co-operative animals. Otherwise we’d kill each other trying to take charge. You have to doubt yourself to take the lead of others.
Oh, and I think most of them are wealthy without the need to work in insurance!
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That’s an interesting question. Based on my own personal research, I think it may have more to do with the need for acknowledgement. Also, studies from the University of Leeds demonstrated that approximately 95% of people in a crowd will follow without their awareness.
There have also been primate studies published in showing that people actually get a dopamine reward for subordination as well as looking at dominate members of their species. A type of hero worship. [ S.V Shepherd, R.O. Deaner and M.L. Platt, 2006, Social Status Gates Social Attention in Monkeys, Current Biology 16(4):119-20.]
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Correction: I meant to write “showing that ‘primates’ actually get a dopamine reward for subordination.”
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That’s interesting, we’re herd animals undoubtedly. But it doesn’t answer why we generally respond positively (in a pathetic manner) to the idea that we are unworthy, or possibly get happy chemicals when being submissive. There must be a ‘useful’ reason in terms of how we’ve developed, mustn’t there? It seems so generally counter-productive that it’s hard to imagine how it would serve us.
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Violet, i know how you feel about the ethics of psychological experiments, but for the sake of discourse these experiments give us insight into human behavior. I’m sure you are familiar with these experiments. As you know, Stanley Milgram wanted to find out how the Nazis conditioned ordinary people to submit and take part in genocide. The experiment demonstrated that obedience to authority was the norm, not the exception. Milgram stated that “obedience is as basic an element in the structure of social life as one can point to.”
Other experiments has similar conclusions. Humans get rewarded for cooperating. Submitting is a form of cooperation. Cooperation can be beneficial to the survival of our species.
So keeping that in mind, people are taken advantage of by religions/cults, most often during times of trauma and/or duress. Psychologist Robert Jay Lifton studied former prisoners of the Korean War and Chinese war camps during the 1950’s. He identified a multistep process that was used to gain control over the minds of prisoners..
Assault on identity
Guilt
Self-betrayal
Breaking point
Leniency
Compulsion to confess
Channeling of guilt
Releasing of guilt
Progress and harmony
Final confession and rebirth
Does that process look familiar? Check out the section “Breaking down the self”
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So perhaps we submit because we’re prone to having low self-esteem. I’m determined to get this in somewhere. 🙂
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LOL — Yes you are. 😀
We submit because instinctively it’s for the good of our species — cooperation. It’s pro-social behavior. But this ‘virtue’ gets taken advantage of. Are we prone to low self-esteem? Technically, yes, because we are vulnerable to indoctrination, mind control, bullying, and other abuses because our brains are plastic — malleable.
Hope that clarifies, and of course this is my own opinion — but I base it on the vast amount of research I’ve read.
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It’s very interesting. Thanks for taking the time to clarify it all, and with sources. I’m all theory and no evidence (but don’t tell any Christians I said that …)
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I won’t. Pinky swear. 😀
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I think I should start one such churches and make promises that they can’t verify until am rich enough then I quit the business 😛
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This is quite profound. I agree. I don’t think we ever fully get over it — but I did get over my eminence grief, depression and intense anger that followed my de-conversion.
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I am always late to the party yet I am following your blog?
I concur with John and Pink. I never encountered this level of lunacy until I ventured into blogland, and only then because of arriving via some ( what I thought) pretty innocuous research about Moses.
The world of fundamentalism has been an eyeopener. And an unpleasant one at that.
What is scary is it must have been ”there” all along, like some sort of shadow world that normal people passed/pass by.
Those trapped within its insidious grip must be crying for someone to rescue them .
And yet, blogland is replete with such culpable aresholes pushing this diatribe.
When one reads the comments from those who have deconverted; their utter relief, It is quite depressing when one thinks how many are still locked inside. How many children and vulnerable people who have no defense and are often unable to fight back.
Under the circumstances, I don’t feel proponents who support this crap at any level deserve any quarter.
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You seem really confused on this topic, drawing a distinction between the people who suffer and the people who cause suffering. They are all Christians, all doing the same thing. Either they’re bastards or they’re suffering, make up your mind.
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Not confused at all. While these people did not arrive at this position without being indoctrinated.
they are indirectly, responsible for the spread of the doctrine.
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Missed the point again …
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“Those trapped within its insidious grip must be crying for someone to rescue them … I don’t feel proponents who support this crap at any level deserve any quarter.”
Those trapped within it’s insidious grip are the proponents. The proponents of the crap are trapped within its insidious grip. You can’t attempt to pull emotional heart-strings for the same people you want everyone to loathe.
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Apologize. I reread my comment and realised I had left out reference to children.
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Oh, vomit! Don’t try the same irrelevant emotional stunts that the anti-abortion fanatics wheel out. What about the children! Children are people (and for the record, a foetus isn’t a child or a person). Sure they require extra resources and protection, and are more prone to indoctrination, but they’re not all stupid (like I was) and they become adults in the open world soon enough. I was a right obnoxious young Christian and but for a few chance encounters and opportunities in life, I may very well have ended up knocking on your door with Watchtower or some equivalent under my arm. Would I have been a victim or a perpetrator? Someone to feel sorry for or someone to loathe? It’s a cycle that people get out of eventually but there’s no point in building up an exaggerated monster picture of evil proponents in your silly little head. Wayward Christians peddling what was peddled to them. It’s understandable.
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Are you having a bad day or did the sheep give you uphill?
If your definition of a child is different to mine then we shall abide by the legal interpretation.
As an adult you would have been given short shift. As a child I would have extended you some sympathy.
As Tom Cruise said to Jack Nicholson….”Are we clear?”
I hope this helps you to calm down?
Chamomile tea perhaps?
I suggest you have a another read of Jonny’s blog sometime.
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Good, so you finally admit you’re wrong. Who’s Jonny?
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Wrong? Where on earth did you read wrong in my statement?
I apologised for my previous comment already.
Jonny Scaramanga.
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So, let me get this straight – a Christian up to the age of 16 (or 18?) is to be pitied but from then on they’re a stinking pile of indoctrinating dung heap? What’s the cut off age?
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See, you still have a metaphorical carrot up your bottom…
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Yeah, I know, I should have let it lie. You’re too embarrassed to admit in public that you’re wrong. That’s fine. At least we both know inside.
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Wrong, where am I wrong?
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Shit, that’s the sheep got out again .. back soon.
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Dear,,
Hi.. please introduce myself,,I am Cho Ryeon Hwang, Asian,24 years old. I am unemployed. I have been fired from the job I was in twice. I can hardly find any other job bcs of my bad working experience on my cv.
Since then, I realized that I am a slow learner. I was fired bcs I did mistakes for so many times and didn’t understand the instructions properly.
Well, I have big problem with learning new thing. I used to be a very hardworker but still there always be some flaws on my work. My supervisor always mad at me like, “I’ve said it so many times!”. They did right thing. I didnt blame my previous supervisors who fired me. All I am blaming is my ability of learning and understanding.
Because of this,I know my weakness well. This leads me to have a terrible feeling when it comes to talk to someone, I’m always getting nervous and panic when I have to explain something. That’s one of the reason why I got fired. I have bad communication skill. Why, because I am afraid if I’m doing wrong.
Ever since the last day of my working, I haven’t applied for any job yet. I have traumatic feeling about getting fired. My mom always scold me and asking why I’m not looking for another Job. In fact, I never told this to anyone before include, (especially) my parents. I told them that my contract was terminated because I had to handle another job outside my Job desc. I didn’t tell them the honest reason.
I can’t even share this to my bestfriends bcs they are the people I am envy with. They are the people I wish I could be. They are now having good position in their company with good salary. I feel so much intimidated when we go out for cinema or just hanging out,, they’re all proudly spending their self-earn money and sharing their working experience. Meanwhile, I am still using my parent’s money,, and the leftover money from my last salary.Things are getting harder for me when they ask what my daily activities are. In fact Im just doing nothing at home.
I keep telling lies to everyone. I am really afraid to tell the truth and to be judged. Having myself as a slow learner has already become the most hurtful thing I have to face.
Now I am fighting so much againts my own anxiety and low self esteem. I am so afraid what if I never get a proper job.
I am really expecting for you to do me a favor about what to do? What am I supposed to do ?
I am so much thankful for your help..
Best Regards
Cho Ryeon Hwang
(초련황)
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