woe to those who make unjust laws

sexual

In response to the recent bill that’s been passed in Arizona, which will allow Christians to discriminate against same sex couples and refuse them service, I thought it might be nice to draw up a list of all the Christians for whom I am unable to fashion my delicious wedding cakes, because they are disgusting sinners in the eyes of their own god, God, and therefore the only logical response is to shun their custom.

  • Anyone who is divorced and whose first (and only real) spouse is still alive can go get their cake from the heretic wedding cake shop across the road.
  • Anyone who has lost their virginity and isn’t marrying the person they lost their virginity to (their only real spouse) needs to haul ass out my sanctimonious face and get their shameful sinner cake from the heretic wedding cake shop across the road.
  • Anyone who is rich and can’t thread a camel through the eye of a needle is on shaky ground and therefore I will send them packing to the heretic wedding cake shop across the road.
  • Any man who has ever looked at a woman other than his future wife lustfully has clearly already committed the sexual crime of adultery before even attempting to get married. I shall not offend my rights to be offended by their disgusting behaviour, which is clearly condemned in the Bible, by providing one of my tasty sin-free cakes for their Satan-fuelled marriage, and I shall kick their adulterous arse out of my holy presence to the heretic wedding cake shop across the road.
  • Any same sex couples who want a wedding cake will be served one of my deliciously beautiful top tart treats, as I’ve searched the Bible and it is stated nowhere that committed same sex relationships are sinful.

If you want to read some other opinions on this topic:

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